Q. Where does a general keep his armies?
A. In his sleevies.

Q. How did Hitler tie his shoes?
A. In little knotsies.

Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A. “I lost my tractor.”

Q. What’s a Shitzu?
A. One with no animals in it.

Q. What’s blue and smells like red paint?

A. Blue Paint!

Q. Why didn’t the bicycle get up on time?

A. He was two tired.

Q: What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

A: Christopher Walken

A dog walks into a telegraph office and asks to send a message. “Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”

Clerk records it, and offers, “You know, for the same price, you can fit one more ‘woof’”.

Dog looks at him, puzzled. “But that wouldn’t make any sense.”

Q.  What’s brown and sticky?

A.  A stick.

Q.  What’s pink and slippery?

A.  A slipper!

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A. A Do-you-think-he-saurus

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog?
A. A Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex

Q.  How do you spot a dogwood tree?

A. By it’s bark.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “You man the guns, I’ll drive.”

Two muffins are in a oven. The first muffin says “Wow it’s Hot in here!” The second muffin says, “AGGGHHH, TALKING MUFFIN!”

Q.  Want to hear a short joke followed by a long joke?
A.  Joke joooookeee.

Q.  What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A.  A flat minor (miner)

Q.  What do you call a pig that does karate?

A.  A pork chop.